Guest Post!
Thank you to Emma Eggleston for her contribution!
Emma Eggleston is the author of the blog, Nineteen Magazine which covers pop culture, celebrities, college life, and more.
Happiness is a choice.
How many times have you heard that one before?
I know I’ve heard it countless times, but it's become such a cliche that I’ve never really stopped to think about what it really means until now.
When people throw around, “happiness is a choice” what they are really implying is that people get to choose how they feel.
Clearly, people can’t always choose how they feel.
People don’t decide to become angry when they witness injustice, they don’t decide to be sad when they lose a loved one, and they don’t decide to become infatuated with a crush.
These things just happen as a result of our physiology, circumstances, and thoughts.
Therefore, we can’t expect people to simply ‘choose happiness’ and then magically be happy.
Happiness is like any of our other feelings, it’s the result of our biology, our attitudes, and whatever else is going on in our lives.
So why do people constantly remind others that happiness is a choice?
Because our feelings are hugely connected to our thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors which we do have, at least partial, control
While you can’t necessarily choose to be happy instantly, you can take specific and intentional actions that will lead you to living a more fulfilled, grateful, and less stressful life.
Let’s take a look at some simple ways that you can change your thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors, to improve the way you feel.
Kindness
It’s true when people say, “It helped me more than it helped them,” after doing a kind deed for someone else.
When we stop worrying about our own troubles and help someone else, we realize that our troubles aren’t as big as we thought.
It also gives us an opportunity to make someone smile and we all know smiles are contagious.
The more you practice kindness, the better you’ll get at it.
After kindness becomes a habit, it will become a lifestyle, then a character trait. But it takes time if you’re not used to intentionally thinking about the best ways you can help others.
I would challenge you to think of just one way you can go out of your way to be kind to someone in your life everyday and then do it.
Sooner or later you’ll be addicted to doing kind things for others!
Gratitude
If you’re reading this you have so much more than so many others in this world.
You have access to the internet, access to some sort of electronic device, and somewhere along the way someone taught you to read.
We often neglect to take time to realize that many people don’t have those three things.
Did you know 14% of people around the globe are still illiterate?
Did you know 690 million people are still undernourished?
When you pause to think about those statistics you begin to realize how good you really have things, even on the worst of days.
But practicing gratitude isn’t just about realizing how good you have it.
It’s also about using that privilege to help others and saying thank you to the people who have gotten you where you are today.
Consider your parents who fed you for eighteen years (or more), your elementary school teachers who taught you how to read, and your friends who helped you get through dark times.
Take a step toward developing a more grateful mindset today by thanking someone sincerely, donating your time or money to help someone less fortunate, or by simply writing down a list of things you're grateful for.
Healthy Habits
Our physical health has a massive impact on our mental health.
You know the expression, runner’s high? It’s true.
After exercising, our body releases the chemical serotonin into the brain which makes us feel good! Get in the habit of moderate daily exercise if you’re not already. It can be a big mood booster.
Getting an adequate amount of sleep, eating a balanced diet, and spending time outside in the fresh air and sunlight are other healthy habits that will help your brain and body be happy.
Forgiveness
I believe forgiveness is key to moving forward in life.
In order to move forward in your relationships with others you need to forgive them for the things they may have done to you in the past.
Put aside the petty grudges and begin to focus on forming a mutually beneficial friendship. Stop with the jealousy and enjoy spending time together again.
In order to move forward in your relationship with yourself you also need to learn to forgive yourself.
Sometimes we get stuck in a thought pattern of guilt and shame. We believe that we are unlovable because of the things we have done in the past.
We need to stop thinking this way. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from them, forgive yourself for them, and start to love yourself again.
Self-Improvement
People often have low-self esteem and a bad view of themselves’ which makes them feel unhappy.
If you struggle with this you need to evaluate whether these feelings are valid (you do really have issues to fix) or if they are pesky intrusive thoughts (like thinking you need to lose weight when you have a healthy BMI).
After you figure that out, start working on improving those areas of your life you are dissatisfied with.
Actively working on self-improvement will help you feel like your life is moving in a positive direction instead of a negative one.
You can start today by thinking of one area of your life that you want to improve, it could be a relationship, your health, your character, or something else and set reasonable short-term goals that will help you improve that area.
Cut Out Negativity and Toxic Relationships
Stop hanging around with people who make you feel like who you are isn’t good enough. Get out relationships that are causing more emotional turmoil than pleasure.
Finally, make friends with some optimists and don’t spend time with people who are constantly complaining. If you can do these things you’ll notice that your thought life will be much more positive than before.
So… Is Happiness a Choice?
I think this is a question that ultimately you are going to have to answer for yourself.
Although it’s perfectly normal to go through periods of your life where you feel sad, angry, or down in the dumps, you need to remember how good you actually have things, how loved you are, and how you can take steps to improve your life and make it better.
If you can remember these things and put kindness, healthy eating, and intentional self-development into practice you are going to put your body and brain into the right settings in order to feel happy.
That said, I want to acknowledge those struggling with their mental health who feel like no matter how hard they try they cannot achieve happiness. I feel you; I’ve been there too.
If you are struggling with a mental illness, it is not your fault and it is not your job to choose happiness.
Reach out to family, friends, counselors, doctors, and anyone you trust to get the help you need and deserve.
You can also call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to be referred to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community based organizations who can help you get through whatever it is you are going through.
Read More from Emma Eggleston by visiting her blog Nineteen Magazine
